That Darn Cat! by Eddie Edora a.k.a XFManic
Disclaimer: "The X-Files" and the characters of Mulder and Scully are not mine. They belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen and Fox Television. I'm just borrowing them for the fun of it. No copyright infringement intended.
Rating: PG for some language
Category: S, H
Summary: Mulder receives a cat as a gift from Scully, and since he's never had one before, well...
*************************
"Oh no!"
Fox Mulder was looking at the inside of his shoe. He was ready to put
it on and head out the door, when his nose detected a strong ammonia
scent. He turned the shoe over as small drops of urine dripped out of
it.
"Just great!" Mulder exclaimed. He looked at his bedside alarm.
<8:05>
"I'm late already, and who knows what other little surprises that
little furry monster has left me."
He dialed his cell phone.
"Scully," replied his pretty red-haired partner.
"Hi, Scully, it's me," Mulder answered back. "I'm obviously running a
little late, but it *is* all your fault."
"My fault?"
"Yeah, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have piss in my shoe, and I
have yet to find the whereabouts of my other pair."
"Spooky again, huh?"
"How perceptive you are, Agent Scully. Would you like to tell me what
possessed you to even consider getting me a cat?"
Mulder was more than exasperated. About a week ago, Scully saw an ad
in the paper for kittens being given away and thought it would make a
good Valentine's Day gift. She had to choose from six adorable
kittens, who were all instantly attached to her. She chose an
exotic-looking tortie, a basic black cat with brown coloring
resembling something like bleach "splashed" all over it.
Though Mulder was instantly taken with the kitten, he was a little
annoyed that Scully named it "Spooky." She told him that she chose
that name, because of the way the kitten had sad eyes and a talkative
nature, just like Mulder. He wasn't sure whether to take that as a
compliment, but considering it was a gift, Mulder did not object to
the name out of respect for Scully. But he never had a cat, which
Scully didn't know. It was almost like looking after a precocious
child. Now, it has developed a bad habit of pissing in places
*outside* of the litter box.
"Fortunately," Mulder said, " I still have my gun, so where is that
little..."
"Fox Mulder! Don't you dare shoot that cat!"
"Aw, Scully! Couldn't I just *threaten* it a little?"
Scully rolled her eyes but had to stifle a giggle. Poor Mulder, she
thought.
"Oh no!" she heard him blurt out.
"What now?" she asked.
She heard a few expletives and a loud cat shriek.
"Mulder!"
"The freaking cat chewed the telephone cord to my modem in half!" he
screamed into the phone.
"Mulder," she calmly told him. "I'm right here, and you certainly
don't have to scream into my ear. What was that shriek?"
"Sorry, Scully. I caught her ready to relieve herself on my videos,
so I spanked her off."
Scully couldn't hold back her giggle this time.
"At least..." she started to say before cracking up some more.
"I *don't* think this is funny," Mulder angrily stated.
"I'm sorry, Mulder, but I was going to say that at least Spooky knows
where the litter box is," she said before cracking up again.
"I don't think its *that* funny," Mulder replied.
"Okay, Mulder," Scully said as she wiped away tears, "are you going to
make it work?"
"Yeah, I'm on my way."
"Bye, Mulder."
He heard her laughter still ringing in his head as he put his cell
phone away. It's a good thing that I didn't put my foot in the shoe
first, he thought.
As he was checking himself in the mirror to make sure his tie was
straight, a strange noise was coming from the far side of his bedroom.
"What the hell is that?" he voiced out loud.
Mulder knew Spooky had something to do with it, but he didn't see the
little critter.
"Spooky?" he called out.
Just then, he saw Spooky leaning over his running shoes. She was
convulsing, and Mulder wondered if cats get epilepsy. From Spooky's
actions, he knew it didn't look good.
"Are you okay, girl?" he gently asked her while stroking her head.
Mulder made the mistake of picking Spooky up. After another few
seconds of convulsions, some yellowish bile and hairball came pouring
out of her mouth...and all over the front of his suit.
"Great! Just great!"
*************************
(Two Hours Later)
Scully took her reading glasses off and rubbed her eyes. She looked
at her watch. <10:22> Where in the world is Mulder, she thought.
As if on cue, Mulder opened the door and walked in carrying an
oblong-shaped cage. She also noticed that Mulder's dark suit had a
yellowish wet stain.
"Mulder, why did you bring Spooky here?" Scully asked.
She looked in to see that the little kitten was curled up in the back
of the cage sleeping.
"Aw, she's *so* adorable, Mulder. How can you look at that little
creature and not just feel so..."
"...warm and fuzzy inside?" Mulder finished for her. Scully nodded in
reply.
"I don't know, Scully," Mulder started. "I guess that I'm not used to
having something so little depend on me so much since..."
"Your sister?" Scully guessed.
Mulder looked at her. He never really thought about it that way.
"Yeah, I guess. Taking care of Spooky is akin to taking care of a
little sister. She's so...*needy*. I'm not used to that."
Scully couldn't help but feel sorrow for Mulder. He was afraid to let
Spooky down in the same way like he thought he did with Samantha. Oh,
Mulder...
"Well," she started to say to help keep him from a foul mood. "at
least cats are relatively low-maintenance compared to a child."
"You think so?" Mulder asked.
"Sure," Scully answered. "Can you leave a bowl of food and water for a
two-month-old child and expect them to feed themselves? Can you show
a child the bathroom and have them use it without supervision? Would
a child be happy to play with a stuffed mouse or a ball of string?
Not to mention, Mulder, you'll save thousands of dollars *not* having
to send Spooky to college."
Mulder had to smile at that last comment.
"Okay, Scully," he replied. "I get the point. Maybe Spooky isn't as
bad as I thought."
"Good, Mulder. Why don't we get to work so you can take her back home
around lunchtime," she said, " and maybe it would be a good idea for
you to take the rest of the day off and just...bond with her."
"Bond?"
"Why not? After all, she is part of your family now, and you're a
part of hers. It only makes sense that you both get to know each
other."
Mulder couldn't believe that he would take a half-day to *bond* with a
furry critter.
"Okay, Scully," he finally said. "I guess you're right."
"Of course, I'm right," Scully gloatingly said. "By the way, Mulder,
what happened to your suit?"
*************************
(Later that night)
Mulder was sitting on the couch watching TV as Spooky laid next to him
sleeping. Those drugs that the vet gave her must have really tired
her out, he thought. He stroked her fur and moments later, Spooky
started purring. Mulder smiled to himself.
I guess this isn't *that* bad, he thought.
After a few minutes, he got up to use the bathroom. As he turned on
the light, he felt his foot step into something squishy. Then his
nose smelled it. Mulder was afraid to look, but he turned on the
bathroom light to see that he stood over one neat pile of crap. Did I
say it was bad, he thought.
"SPOOKY!!!!!"
*************************
THE END
This was just a fluff story. I have four cats at home, and I thought it would be a neat scenario for Mulder to find himself in. You cat-lovers out there have an idea what I mean.
HTML Page Design & Copyright © XFManic, 1999
